“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss
Yesterday I had one of those crappy days that I think we all experience as women…or maybe just as human beings. The ‘you’re lame’ monster came up from behind and tackled me totally unawares! And suddenly everything came down…everything, stuff that isn't even bothering me. I felt like I’m not succeeding anywhere – which is ridiculous! I feel like I won’t succeed with Stella & Dot (I just want it to be fun and on the side – but I’m one of three stylists in Utah, so I feel pressure!), I’m frustrated that Puppy seems to be regressing (I blame daylight savings), I've gotten out of the habit of eating healthy and exercising (is it bad that I crave Dr.Pepper more than water?)…blah blah blah! Then I watched Glee and was suddenly overwhelmingly sad that I didn't stick with/pursue dancing and singing more. And off I grew a huge zit right in the middle of my forehead, which means it has nowhere to go but out and into my bone (ow!) – I’m almost 26, still? And to top it all off I had to interact with this girl that somehow always manages to makes me feel bad about myself – which is weird, no one makes me feel bad about myself! Somehow she makes me feel worthless, inferior and like I'm 13 all over again (13 was the worst).
Luckily – I married the best man ever. Husband just laid next to me in bed and asked what was wrong – which I didn’t really know, cause nothing was really wrong – but he helped me figure out what was bugging me. Who is this guy and how does he know how to treat me perfectly? He never looks at me like I’m crazy (even though we both know I’m being rather irrational) and doesn't just leave me until I stop being ridiculous – he makes me feel extra loved when I need it the most. Most of the time I don’t need to be coddled, but he knows when I need it and how to do it…I don’t even know how to coddle me. He pointed out all the ways that I am amazing, special, succeeding, and reminded me that my worth and his love are not contingent upon things like blog readers, gourmet dinners, and handmade decor.
Sometimes I think these nights are good. Why? They get me outside of the box of my own life and help me reevaluate where I’m at, where I want to go, why I am doing what I’m doing. Here’s what I realized:
- I want to Stella & Dot for fun – to reconnect with people and make new friends. To get new jewelry and to make some amazing stuff available to others.
- I want to put more of me into my blog. I read so many blogs of these women that are amazing! I’m not a gourmet chef, ridiculously creative and crafty, a great writer, great decorator, or super fashionable. I’m average…but I’m real. I a pretty good cook and love trying out new things in the kitchen. I enjoy being creative and crafting, even if I’m copying/spring boarding from something I’ve seen. I really like to write…so why am I just posting pictures (which are great), why am I not writing more? I like clothes and looking good…for cheap, why am I trying to keep up with these Prada wearing ladies? So I’m going to be more me on my blog – which will still include all of these things, but with less pressure (pressure that I put on myself anyways!)
- I need to be more balanced. I want to do everything – sew, bake, learn photography, journal, get a 6-pack, make my Christmas décor, make baby gifts for my friends, throw a baby shower, throw a bridal shower, help plan a wedding, train my dog, play with my dog, somehow spend time with Husband, blog, make a scrapbook, sell Stella & Dot, sell Designer Jeans, make/buy Christmas gifts, ect. ect. See…I need some balance. I’m actually normally really good at being okay with not doing everything – I’m pleased to be me and content where I’m at…but these are all things that I could do and if I balance I can fit more of them in. But I also need to let some of them go. And that’s okay.
- I need to write down my thoughts more – helps me organize.
- I need to take time for me…exercise, read the word of God, talk to God sleep, actually do my hair.
So, here I am today, feeling rejuvenated. Making to-do lists and goal charts so I can get myself on track for what I want. I feel more centered and less lame. I interacted with the girl that shatters my confidence and her rocks didn’t even chip at me today. I remembered all the people that I love and love me back - funny how I forget about my cheering section and about all the positives.
What do you do to keep yourself centered and confident?